Chelsea wrote about getting older and the responsibilities that come with it in her most recent post and for some reason it really struck a chord in my heart. She must have been reading my mind because I have been thinking about life before 'responsibility' like never before and sometimes I just want to cry. Call it hormones, call it the side effects of working 2 jobs, call it being a big baby but I just cant seem to get over it and it is honestly a bit haunting. And annoying. Annoying because it seems like wishful thinking at this point. Lately my mind has been wandering back to when I did pretty much whatever I wanted with my time and my money. Or silly traditions we did as kids. Maybe I want them back.
I really enjoy being married; having a house to live in filled with the stuff we call 'ours.' But I feel strangely like there are things I forgot to do before I took on so much responsibility. What that is that I 'forgot,' I am not sure. More school? More traveling? More sleeping in? Who knows. I am not sure it is really something I would ever figure out either. Whatever it is, is unsettling and I am not sure I like it.
I even can't imagine what it would feel like to have kids and to be physically responsible for their day to day wellness, and I don't think I want to find out what it feels like for several more years. And I think God has a lot to do in my heart.
On a lighter note! I have been sketching some ideas that I am going to start making into greeting cards and prints to put on Etsy. I need to apply with the city of Vista sometime soon to make Modern Crush a legitimate business name, and hopefully I can start putting a few things up on my own etsy shop!